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Has watching porn made it impossible for me to get off with my boyfriend? Help!!!? When I was in my mid-teen years I started watching porn and eventually bought myself an insertable vibrator. For a couple of years now I've been getting off while watching porn and never thought it related very seriously to my actual sexual desires as the nature of the pornography I watched was fairly hardcore (gangbang/ double penetration stuff I don't believe I would ever actually want to do). At the same time, I've never really been sexually attracted to another person, and speculated that I may be asexual as a result of being depressed from adolescence onward. None of this has bothered me until recently. I tried being in a relationship with a guy I really like, think is very attractive, and wanted very badly to be with. Whenever we try to be together I have a really hard time getting turned on and if I manage it at all I can't stay turned on. I want things to work out, but it's very frustrating for him and I don't think our relationship will have a ghost of a chance if he doesn't feel like he can turn me on at all. Could this be related to my viewing of pornography, or is it more likely that my sex drive is significantly lowered by my depression (asexuality is also on the table)? What can I do about it? | Yes, it's entirely possible you've conditioned yourself to the point that "normal" sexual activity is not sufficiently stimulating.
I don't want you to pay more attention to this answer than it deserves. I'm not a therapist. I'm just a psych student with an academic and personal interest in this kind of thing. Take as much or as little from it as you like.
To oversimplify things dramatically, sex involves a lot of chemicals flooding regions of your brain. It feels good partly due to stuff like dopamine. A lot of well-known drugs also feel good because of dopamine release. People who take those drugs gradually require greater does to achieve the same high as they develop a tolerance - it's a physical change in the brain. Sex is obviously different, because it involves far more complicated mental and emotional stimuli, and far more complicated chemical changes. But yes, there's good evidence that excessive pornography and masturbation can make you accustomed to a type of physical stimulation that everyday sex will subsequently struggle to provide. Sex is an incredibly powerful drive, and it's very easy to let it get out of control. It's also very easy to condition yourself to find a particular activity exciting because orgasm hits our neurological reward systems so hard - have enough orgasms while doing one thing, and your brain will start to associate that particular activity with orgasm. That's one way people develop a fetish. If you wire a lab monkey up so that its pleasure centers are triggered every time it pulls a lever, it will keep pulling that lever day and night without bothering to eat or drink - it's destructive behavior, but the monkey's poor little brain doesn't know it. We can do similar things to ourselves without realizing it.
However, it's entirely reversible and there's no reason you can't enjoy sex with your boyfriend. Practice practice practice! Associating sex with pornography and a vibrator is a learned behavior, and you can unlearn it. You can learn to associate it with your boyfriend instead. In the end it's going to be way more fun and far more rewarding than anything you do by yourself in front of the television. To start with, forget about orgasms. Don't think about that as the sole objective. The objective is fun and intimacy. Orgasms can come later, and they will. The more open you can be with your boyfriend, the easier it will all be.
On a personal note, I experienced something different but ultimately similar as a teenager. In hindsight we became hooked on increasingly stimulating sexual behavior. For one thing, I found I enjoyed having sex in public places so exciting that sex in the bedroom didn't compare. What started off as a few harmless fumbles in out of the way places turned into an addiction to increasingly risky behavior, some of which I regret. But being in the bedroom just wasn't exciting enough to give me that "high." It's very obvious looking back on it that I was in a feedback loop where everything just got more and more extreme, but while it was happening it felt completely normal. Only in hindsight were we acting in a peculiar and self destructive way. We've calmed down a lot now, although a lot of our sex life would probably be considered out of the ordinary. But ordinary is whatever works for you, and it's worth bearing in mind that you're free to share sexual fantasies with your boyfriend.
Anyway, you'll probably just move past it, but if it's something that genuinely affects your life there's no reason to feel bad about seeing a therapist. And as you point out, depression is absolutely linked with a lowered sex drive. That's another thing therapists can help with. It's their job, it's what they are there for. Best wishes and good luck! | Can my having started my sexual life by getting off on my own while watching porn affect my relationship? When I was in my mid-teen years I started watching porn and eventually bought myself an insertable vibrator. For a couple of years now I've been getting off while watching porn and never thought it related very seriously to my actual sexual desires as the nature of the pornography I watched was fairly hardcore (gangbang/ double penetration stuff I don't believe I would ever actually want to do). At the same time, I've never really been sexually attracted to another person, and speculated that I may be asexual as a result of being depressed from adolescence onward. None of this has bothered me until recently. I tried being in a relationship with a guy I really like, think is very attractive, and wanted very badly to be with. Whenever we try to be together I have a really hard time getting turned on and if I manage it at all I can't stay turned on. I want things to work out, but it's very frustrating for him and I don't think our relationship will have a ghost of a chance if he doesn't feel like he can turn me on at all. Could this be related to my viewing of pornography, or is it more likely that my sex drive is significantly lowered by my depression (asexuality is also on the table)? What can I do about it? | One common problem that happens is this. I have been there and done that. You have to figure out what it is first that is destroying your sex drive. If your on medication like birth control or anti-depressants that is something to think about and do research on. Other then that it could just be stress, maybe the guys, really anything that makes your life stressful can do this and lower the libido.
One thing I tried that seemed to work while I was doing it was exercising. I just felt sexier doing it which kind of boosted my libido. However it wasn't the best solution for me. My friend told me about these herbal enhancers that are made from natural herbs and don't cause any side effects besides having wild sex. She said it's the female version of viagra. I had to find out.
I would always have a weak orgasm too (if I had one at all), which after trying this sex enhancer, it boosted them tremendously. I don't get multiple orgasms but I've had plenty since being on these herbs. It's seriously like the best vibrator ride you've ever experienced. These things make me horny all the time, some days I don't even take them because the urge is just too strong.
Don't try out single herbs because they don't do it like the blend of herbs these scientists and researchers pick out. I've tried a couple of them by itself and they did crap. The stuff that I'm on is called Hersolution, at the time I saved money on it at herenhancement.com . Make sure you get the 3 month supply that way you fall under the guarantee/return policy if the herbs don't work for you, you can return them with no questions ask. I bet they will work though and you won't have any problems. Also if your on medication of any sort, check out the gel because if your like me, you wouldn't want to swallow any thing that might react with the medications your already on.
Well have a good day and hopefully you solved your problem. | My wife is watching hardcore porn without me? Sometimes me and my wife watch porn before we have sex, its been more than usual lately as we've been trying to get pregnant and its becoming more difficult to just hop into bed and get hot. Either way its normal stuff, nothing too kinky, we pay 9.99 a month for a cheap site....(blah blah).....and it keeps a brief history of the six latest scenes watched permanently at the bottom of the screen.
Well we went on last night scrolling for the typical stuff, and as I pass along the bottom I see it says "recently watched scenes"..........the last scene watched was NOT something we had watched together, it was a double penetration scene with two black guys nailing this white chick that did not look much different from my wife herself!
I pretended not to notice, we had sex, and later on I went to find a more thorough history on the porn site....she had deleted it all. I should also mention that just last week she bought a large blue viberator (not unlike a dildo) that is considerably larger than me.
I guess I'm asking for public opinion. Should I ask her about it?
Do women often watch porn alone?
Is my wife unsatisfied with me?
Does she want a threesome?
Should I be concerned about a wild streak?
Why is she hiding this stuff so determinedly? | | I think once you two decided to incorporate porn into your sex lives it open a whole new door of opportunities. If you constantly watch porn together and cannot turn each other on without it than I do think it's a problem. Your wife is obviously exploring her possibilities and fantasizing about other men having sex with her. I would suggest talking to your wife about this problem before it gets worse and she goes out and finds the real thing. good luck | Is our nation's pornography hardcore enough? I mean it's good, but have you seen the stuff they're putting out in Prague? I think we need to make a push to become number one in porn again. We need to start by getting rid of pseudo porn mags like Maxim, Stuff, and Oprah and focus on the double penetrations and gang bangs that made America great in the first place. Pioneers like Heff and Larry Flynt have been replaced by a new generation of muckraking capetbaggers. I mean Girls Gone Wild? Come on. It's not about the porn anymore, it's just about the money. For shame. Where are the elaborate props, the devilish plot twists, the screams of liberated ecstacy from our porn of yore? I think this will be a big issue in the '08 elections. | | I am amazed at the effort you but into this question. | Is it too late for me...? I know I'm going to hell.
I am stubborn and rebellious. I don't want to bow down to anyone or anything. I'm proud and want to run my own life my own way. I'm selfish and care about nobody or nothing but myself and indulging my own pleasures.
I know I like a lot of the things God hates. Like seeing two lesbians together turns me on sexually. Why would I be turned on by wickedness?
I also have indulged in lots of pornography over the years. At first it was just softcore stuff but then when that stuff didn't do it for me anymore I went into more hardcore stuff like watching 3somes and double penetrations and stuff. I'm a sexual pervert.
I'm also a lazy person and apathetic too.
I know I need Jesus but if I said I accept him it would just be giving lip service to repentance. Truthfully deep down I don't want someone else Lording over me. I have no reason or cause to hate Jesus but I do. At some point I really got deceived and fell to the dark side. | | If you're still alive, it's never too late to change. | (for fun): Tiffany Mynx, Lauren Phoenix, or Aurora Snow? Once again, I am throwing my favorite Mynx into a competition against other modern era p*rnstars!
Choose your favorite one and tell me why you'd go for HER rather than the other ones...
Tiffany Mynx: obviously needs no introduction...
Lauren Phoenix: already a fan favorite for her eagerness to perform hardcore nasty sex on camera above and beyond what a more "typical" or "normal" p*rnstar would do... DPs, an*ls, the works!
Aurora Snow: Sort of cute and almost innocent looking, yet has all the nastiness to match Lauren Phoenix. Double an*l penetration in Jules Jordan's "Space Invaderz" !!! Super nasty with a cute smile!
Vote now fellow p*rnhounds! | | They're all great. Aurora Snow is pretty and Tiffany Mynx is awesome. But I'll have to go with Lauren Phoenix. She's just got the bad girl appeal. Most of her work is interracial, which is great. In addition, I heard that she's very ambitious and confident - believe it or not. As far as performance in front of the camera, if anybody can turn me on, she definitely can. She's actually the tallest one out of the three, and she is also 100% Natural! | Can my having started my sexual life by getting off on my own while watching porn affect my relationship? When I was in my mid-teen years I started watching porn and eventually bought myself an insertable vibrator. For a couple of years now I've been getting off while watching porn and never thought it related very seriously to my actual sexual desires as the nature of the pornography I watched was fairly hardcore (gangbang/ double penetration stuff I don't believe I would ever actually want to do). At the same time, I've never really been sexually attracted to another person, and speculated that I may be asexual as a result of being depressed from adolescence onward. None of this has bothered me until recently. I tried being in a relationship with a guy I really like, think is very attractive, and wanted very badly to be with. Whenever we try to be together I have a really hard time getting turned on and if I manage it at all I can't stay turned on. I want things to work out, but it's very frustrating for him and I don't think our relationship will have a ghost of a chance if he doesn't feel like he can turn me on at all. Could this be related to my viewing of pornography, or is it more likely that my sex drive is significantly lowered by my depression (asexuality is also on the table)? What can I do about it? | Alright first of all (and i hate being a tet :p) Asexual refers to someone who can not have sex at all, as in has no sexual organs. But either way there could be a bunch of issues here; Firstly it could be that the guy you like is just not good at pleasing a girl. It could also link up to your depression, although if you say you like him and want things to work, it really shouldn't.
Pornography, and masturbation for that matter, don't really affect your sexual activity, but it is possible that because you have masturbated quite a lot, you would not be turned on by other, less sexual things. You didn't mention how far you have been with him, but you might want to take things a step further, and maybe let him get down there ( hope that was enough of a hint :p ) If things dont work though, don't blame yourself, and don't give up on guys, because chances are that some other guy ( or girl, who knows ) will easily turn you on and give you what you need.
Hope this helps :D |
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